You’re Probably in a Flashback.

When I first learned about Complex PTSD through a conversation with my therapist, it felt like opening a door I didn’t even know was locked. I started looking for answers—books, articles, anything that could help me understand what I was feeling and why I had always struggled to feel “normal.” That’s when I found Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker.

Reading it was both a relief and a heartbreak. A relief because, for the first time, I didn’t feel so alone. A heartbreak because I realized just how much of my life I had spent stuck in survival mode, reacting to the world through patterns I didn’t even know I had learned.

When You Don’t Know You’re in a Flashback

One of the biggest lightbulb moments for me was discovering what emotional flashbacks are. Before reading the book, I didn’t even know that term existed. I just thought I was too much—too reactive, too sensitive, too “hard to love.” I would say things I didn’t mean, shut people out, or spiral into shame and guilt without understanding why. When I was in that state, it felt like I was someone else entirely—like a dark cloud would hover over me and take control of my thoughts.

Reading about emotional flashbacks in the book made me feel seen and cracked open a lot of pain I had buried. I cried a lot while reading through the book. Each chapter hit close to home. The book explained why I could shift from calm to overwhelmed in seconds, why I had so many intense emotional reactions, and why I often sabotaged relationships that meant everything to me.

Sertraline, Triggers & The Work of Awareness

Eventually, I started taking Sertraline to help manage my emotional flashbacks. It’s not a magic fix, but it’s helped me gain a little more space when my nervous system starts spiraling.

Since reading the book and continuing therapy, I’ve started recognizing more of my triggers—things that make me feel unsafe or activated. I still don’t catch them all, and I still struggle to get out of a flashback once I’m in it, but I’m learning. Slowly.

It’s not just about noticing when I feel off—it’s about practicing compassion toward myself when I do. And that’s something Pete Walker emphasizes so beautifully: that healing isn't about perfection, it's about progress. It's about creating a safe relationship with yourself first.

You’re Not Alone

The book didn’t just give me knowledge—it gave me hope. For the first time, I didn’t feel like a lost cause. I didn’t feel broken beyond repair. I understood that my brain, my reactions, and even my shame were all rooted in things I had to learn to survive.

But it also made me sad. Because healing from C-PTSD isn’t a one-time fix. It’s a lifelong journey of unlearning, rebuilding, and learning to live beyond survival. Sometimes that feels overwhelming. But sometimes, it feels like freedom.

What I’d Tell You If You’re Just Starting

If you’re just finding out about CPTSD, and you’re scared or confused, I want you to know this:

You’re not alone.
I know what it’s like to feel misunderstood, to blame yourself for things that were never your fault. I know how painful it is to be reactive and not know why—then to drown in shame after the storm passes.

Keep going. Keep your heart open. Journal, breathe, let yourself cry when you need to.
And if you can, read this book. Then read it again.

This isn’t the end of your story. It might be the first time you're really telling it.